Ushaw MoorHistorical SITE
Jonty and The Jallup
James Hay Stories written in the dialect of County Durham.
When Aa went on ter hewin Aa got mair money, but mind it wes bloody haird work, an yer use ta get dry as a bone. Aa use ta drink two pit bottles full o watter in a shift - ye knaa them tin bottles full o watter an with a cork in: use ta keep the watter nice an cool.
Anyway, there wes this lad, Jonty Brown the' caalled him, an he wes a little toerag. He wes aalways thorsty, an yer couldn't leave a watter bottle neewhere nigh hand or Jonty'd swipe it. So we aall got sick on't an decided ter dee summing about it. So Jimmy Bell an me went ter the hosskeeper for some jallup.
Noo jallup wes the stuff the' use ta give the gallowas ivvery weekend ter mak them shite. Gi them a good clean out so the' could work hairder - like oppenin medicine yer see. Like me fatha use ta say: "Get yersel a good clean out an yer can loup a five-bair gate." So we got this jallup, Jimmy an me, an we filled a spare bottle we had an left it lyin. Sure enyeuf, alang comes Jonty an sees it, an he drinks it as if he'd nivver had a drink in he's life afore.
Why, it tyeuk about ten minutes an Jonty wes doubled up an rowlin about on the ground howldin he's belly an shoutin: "Aw, me guts! Me guts!" an me an Jimmy an the lads is aall watchin him, an we were that creased up we nearly tyeuk fits wi laughin. Anyway, Jonty had ter rive he's hoggers down an hev a shite. But mind, it wes owwer bad. He couldn't stop; just like the dysentery it was, an Aa saw plenty o that in the Waar. He wes craalin alang on he's belly an shitin the whole time. The bloody pit reeked on't.
Anyway, alang comes our Joe an big Geordie Maven, an they gets ahaad o poor Jonty an drags him alang ter the onsetter's. The onsetter tyeuk the tubs outa the cage an put Jonty in. He still had he's hoggers wrapped round he's ankles an he wes shitin aall the time. The' rapped the cage ter bank an when it got up there, the banksman tyeuk Jonty out. The' had ter wash the cage out wirra hosepipe, an poor Jonty had ter gan ter the doctor.
By, we got wrang! Our Joe says: "Young un, yer should be hosswhipped. Yer coulda killed the poor lad. Yer desorve the sack." But aall the lads were in stitches an thowt it sorved Jonty right. Next mornin Jimmy an me got caalled in front o Mr Hairvey. By, he wes stottin. Just like a skyeul boss when a lad's been cheeky. So me an Jimmy tyeuk our caps off an went in, an there he was standin with he's hands behint he's back.
"Thee, James Hay, and thee, James Bell, might have killed one of thy brothers yesterday. Poor Jonathan Brown is too ill to come to work today, thanks to thee putting horse jallup in a water bottle and giving it to him. Now I know the Bible says 'Thou shalt not steal', and brother Jonathan did steal water from his workmates. But two wrongs have never made a right. If thee does anything like this again to any of thy fellows thou shalt both be given a minute's notice. Now get thee back to work and think on these things!"
By, we were glad ter gerrout o there. But mind, Jonty nivver swiped nee mair watter.
© Ray Clark 2000 / 2005
Stories from Paperless Writers. a new venture for amateur, unpublished writers, site by Jim Hollingsworth.